Walking Away

I regret talking to you. I wish I had the courage to walk cleanly out of your life, back into the shadows of the night, back into the human tide, never to be seen or heard from again.

Our last night together, I didn’t sleep at all. I glanced at you, and went outside to the terrace, to gaze over the dusky Mexican cityscape, memories swirling around my mind. The truth is, I was happy to be leaving.

I enjoyed our time together, more than I can possibly say. I loved the feeling of your arms around me.  I loved the way you smiled when you looked at me. I loved sharing my world with you, and the way your world rushed out to meet me. But I’ve done this before. I know I make a better story than I do a reality. I know how disappointing it was to realise that we were't a story, we were just people. 

So I turned off your early morning alarms. I kissed you goodbye and slipped away, into the inky black night. And I wanted so badly to have the last word, to leave you with an illusion, untarnished by reality. I wanted to stay superhuman, a character rather than a person. But I heard my phone ding when I was safe in my bed at home, and I couldn’t help but reply. I got used to waking up to your messages. Addicted to knowing you were thinking about me from half a world away.

The truth is, there is no place for me in your real life. I know it even if you don’t. I’d rather be the one that got away, the amazing story from a long time ago…A nostalgic smile on a rainy day.

Maybe for now I can’t help but answer you with my trivial daily goings-on. I lost the chance to dramatically fade into the shadows of your mind. But if one day I am strong enough to disappear, I hope you understand.